Tonight

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Tonight is my last night, my last night with him. There are a million thoughts running through my mind, a million things that I want to say to him, but I’m unable to say them, but I can say one. I know this one. It’s the one I’ve held closest, the one that knows me better than I know myself, the one I will never forget, and the one I never want to lose. I love you. I know you’ll hear it even though you’re asleep; I know you’ll feel it, even when you’re gone. Right now, right here I wish time could pause, so I can have more time with you, so I can have all the time in the world to never miss you, so I can have all the time and more to say I love you. Because…

By this time tomorrow you’ll be gone. You’re warmth will be absent, and our bed will be vacant. By this time tomorrow I won’t be able to sleep because you won’t be here. By this time tomorrow I won’t be able to sleep because you’ll have never left. By this time tomorrow my tears will be hitting the pillow, not your shoulder. And by this time tomorrow you will no longer be the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake.

This is why I can’t sleep and this is why I am writing, it is the perfect time to write. Even if no one will hear it, or read it, I will write it. These thoughts of mine need physical form, they need to be placed in the universe somewhere, they need to exist outside their shell. Because they matter. Because we matter. Because our love matters.

I want to say it again, but to the universe this time, one more time tonight. I love you.

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