A Woman Living in a Man’s World: I Am Not The Maid

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After my eventful meeting of the roommates for the first time, which I talked about in the last segment my boyfriend and I have since moved in and have gotten settled. Now, I’ve accepted the terms of this living arrangement and being the only female in this household I felt it was very important to set some boundaries. I won’t go into all the details, but my underling theme with my roommates is this, “I am not your girlfriend and I am not your mother.” Plain and simple or so I hoped.

It didn’t take long for the law to bend a little. I am now cooking dinner for all these boys three times a week! It just kind of happened. I said I would make dinner one night and it was a hit. One night turned into two, then two turned into three. If I didn’t work so much I’m sure three would have certainly turned into four! Most of the time dinner isn’t too difficult to tackle. I like utilizing the crock pot because I can just throw in whatever during the early hours and by the time everyone gets home dinner is ready. Simple and easy, little effort with satisfactory results! Needless to say, I’ve now won the hearts of everyone in the house and apparently I won more than that.

I didn’t realize just how far my roles have bent until today. Maybe it’s because I’ve been working so much, I haven’t noticed? If I was in a hurry I would throw someone else’s load of clothes in the dryer, or finish a load of dishes, or do two second clean jobs here and there. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m a “clean freak” but I like things to be tidy. I have habits okay!

Anyway, I was laying on the couch enjoying my day off when Justin (the one who flirts too much) placed his laundry basket, full of dirty laundry, next to me, “Um, can I help you?” He responds with, “Yeah, be a doll and start this load for me? I gotta run. See ya at five? You’re cookin right?” as he throws his boots and jacket on and strolls out the door. I didn’t even get a chance to respond. Literally dumped it on me and left. OH HELL NO!!!!

I was pissed. People had a death wish and I was ready to start granting them! Just then David (the shy one) comes out of his room with his laundry basket. He stares at me for a moment, the words on the tip of his tongue. He was going to ask me to do his F-ing laundry!! “David. Don’t. You. Dare.” I said with scorn. I must have had flames coming out of my eyes! He quickly did an about-face and closed his door behind him so fast! I think he secluded himself in his room for about an hour. Within that time I did do Justin’s laundry… except I didn’t. I neatly and gently folded all his dirty clothes, with the exception of his underwear (not happening… ever) into nice neat piles on top of his unmade bed. Ready to be worn all over again. 😈

You are welcome. Oh and guess who isn’t making dinner tonight?

What do you make of all this? I will do the boyfriend’s laundry from time to time, but that’s different. I don’t consider that a “chore” nor do I do that every day. How should I deal with the roommates about daily chores? How should I approach the subject?

Thanks for reading! ❀

Michelle

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43 thoughts on “A Woman Living in a Man’s World: I Am Not The Maid

  1. If you don’t stand up for yourself, Michelle, and stay strong, men have a way of “taking advantage”. I’ve been untraining mom in law’s undoing for years, and still have not accomplished my goal. It is not right for anyone to take advantage as these men evidently are, just saying. I got a good laugh out of what you did with the “clean laundry”. I still cannot believe men in this era are still conning women to do THEIR work. Grrrrrrrr ……. IMO …… Love, Amy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Totally! No more mister nice Michelle! Hehe, brilliant right?! Sometimes I surprise myself, πŸ˜† Yeah, I am very much “seeing” it happen here in the house with these boys. My boyfriend is very good at pulling more than his fair share of the house work and he’s very conscientious of my schedule so no complaints with him. He’s perfect ❀ πŸ™‚ lol but as for the other three!!! I almost feel like even though I stated to them it wasn't happening, because I am female, they assume it will anyway?! Grrrrr is right! Thanks for comment and support Amy!! I'll try and update soon. ❀
      Michelle

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my gosh!! Ughhhh. I have had this problem in the past (but not only with guys!!). I think that it’s your personality to just pick up and put away, mine too. But then after a while people start to just think you’re going to do it, and expect it. I had a girl roommate who NEVER did dishes. Ever. I mean, after I stopped picking up after her (it literally took every ounce of self control), she used every single dish we had until they were ALL dirty, and then she would just clean one as she needed it. I almost died. I think if you put your foot down now, you’ll be good. They should be able to realize you’re not their mother once you stand up for yourself! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes!!! It’s so backwards from when I was living with my sister. Our house was always nice and tidy and I swear my three year old nephew has better clean up skills then my roommates!!! My boyfriend does an amazing job keeping up and I am so thankful he actually participates and hopeful the others will follow his example. If not, I’m going to have to find my butt kicking boots and if I can’t find those I’m buying a pair of ass kicking heels!!! UGHH! The struggle is real girl, the struggle is real. Thanks for commenting and sharing!! I definitely need the support!! ❀
      Michelle

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Justin sounds like a real charmer, what’s his number? hahaha! Michelle I will give you a standing ovation for folding the dirty clothes, that’s so fricking hillarious, pay back is a bitch! I would have done the same or some kind of prank to teach him a lesson to make him do the laundry himself. I understand if you do your boyfriend’s but the roommates? Nah, there’s a certain line for that! I think it is important to address that to the guys again so they don’t use your kindness! Speak up your brilliant mind πŸ˜‰ I know that you mean well when you cook dinner because you all live under the same roof but then they should do something else for the household like dishes, dusting etc. I’ll cheer for you Michelle ❀

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  4. Well sounds like you are being taken advantage. I guess you are the frat mom. If you don’t take a hard stand this situation isn’t going to get better. You should have smacked Justin in the face. He was not only dumping on you but also being sexist. On the positive side if you put in cameras and audio equipment, you are have a reality tv show to sell :).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, hey just because you told me so doesn’t me you get to say, “you told me so!” Trust me there have been many times I’ve wanted to slap him!! So yeah I’m in that get mad get even mode. XD yeah this would make for great TV lol! Thanks for commenting and the support!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Your life sort of sounds like New Girl living with all guys lol. Anyway, that really is awful about the guy who expected you to do his laundry. It sounds like you handled it well though! I mean you stood up for yourself, just keep doing things like that and hopefully he’ll get the message. Good luck!:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Lauren! I’ve been meaning to watch that show. I just haven’t found time to get around to it! I agree though, I’m probably associating more with that show than I realize… I really should watch it, lol. Thank you for the comment and support! I’m making the best out an unfair situation. ❀
      Michelle

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I have a Spanish neighbour who does everything for me, wash clothes, cooks, cleans my apartment etc.
    The reason that she does it is not my charisma but I pay her well. Maybe an outstretched hand towards your room mates is the answer πŸ˜€

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  7. I love this one, and your previous stories about your moving in. Brings back memories of when I shared houses with coworkers. Daily chores? Nope. NEVER happened! We each did what was important to each of us, or bitched about doing more than we wanted to do.

    I’m glad that you liked my Embrace Anger post. I can imagine that you might find it useful as you sort out this situation. You can stay and accept his roommates as they are, or you can try to change them (won’t happen), or you can use your power (I’ll cook you dinner AFTER you scrub all the floors to my satisfaction), or you can refuse to live there if it becomes intolerable.

    I love the way that you constructively used your energy from your anger, and gave Justin his clothes back. What a great sense of humor! I’d love to see if he ever notices. Not likely, I’m guessing, unless one of his pals reads your blog…

    I urge you to let their expectations be their expectations. Expect them to continue their habit of asking/telling you what they want, and stick to your limits. Part of the novel that I’m writing (and posting excerpts on my blog) is about a character who is working on dealing with this. You might especially enjoy the excerpt titled “Like Alcoholics”.

    Thanks for sharing your stories!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi! Oh thank you so much! I try to handle situations in a positive way, yet not create confrontation. Easier said then done, but I think this is one instance where it worked quite well for me. πŸ˜€ They want to wear clean clothes? Then they need to do their own laundry. Just because they have a woman in the house now, doesn’t mean they don’t have to do chores. πŸ˜‰ I’m also happy that I am handling Justin’s behavior better than I thought I would. I think I had mentioned before that he’s just like my brother and I’m trying to repair that relationship. I’m learning, slowly, but it’s happening. Thanks again for commenting and I’ll look for you post! ❀
      Michelle

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Descentia

    Wow that’s garbage. I hang out at a friend’s house where there’s something similar going on, though the girl doesn’t actually live there and she isn’t dating or sleeping with anyone. The guy whose house it is provides her marijuana and coaxes her into repaying that in chores, but it’s totally disproportionate and she’s certainly not the only person who habitually hangs around and smokes his weed with him! there’s a bit of an age difference too. She’s 4 to 5 years younger than most of us. I ask her sometimes why she does so much around there but she doesn’t really say much about it. The guy in question is also a 25 year old virgin who had some very bad experiences with his mother & sister, so maybe that has something to do with it. It’s so awkward but honestly idk what to do about it. She let herself get used by lazy males and now they expect it, but it still makes me uncomfortable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a weird situation sometimes and I’m constantly questioning who raised them because they honestly still act like kids πŸ˜› I take a shot to their egos from time to time and that usually does the trick πŸ˜‰ All I can say about your friend is that she needs to find out what is best for her. She may not even know or she does but she can’t see how to get out. It’s easy to say she just shouldn’t be there, but you and I know it’s not so linear. Being supportive and continuing to talk to her may help her realize that these guys are not her real friends and they are just using her. :/

      Like

      • Descentia

        It’s increasingly awkward. I talked to her yesterday about general stuff and, while I already knew that she had recently moved from Washington and doesn’t keep in touch with a single friend back home, I learned that she apparently feels that drama tends to follow her. The guy whose house it is obviously has the hots for her even though he NEVER talks about it, but honestly he’s no catch. My other friend developed feelings for her, very naively to be brutally honest, and now he’s kinda tore up. He’s a really really good, honest guy but he’s an alcoholic and was looking for more emotionally than she feels ready to give right now. Honestly I was starting to develop a little crush but I wasn’t gonna let it go anywhere until I knew just how strongly that friend of mine felt. It’s kind of irritating that he let those feelings develop without any indication that she was into him, so now I can’t even think about going after her if I care about one of my closest friendships, despite the fact that I’m probably more desperate than he is and he knows it! People and their unjustified feelings and the emotional hostage crisis those around them so often end up in… Ehh, anyway, now she’s suddenly cozying up to this old friend/acquaintance of ours who started hanging around & who is pretty unanimously regarded as a skeevy, underhanded motherfucker, emotionally unaccountable even to his closest old friends, but she apparently doesn’t see it. Hard to expect her to though. Attraction is a veil through which anyone can hide their true face, rather easily in fact. I just wish it didn’t have to be THAT guy. He’s seriously repulsive, and while she’s entitled to be attracted to whoever she wants, she just needs to understand why it’s so difficult for guy friends to watch that happen again and again and again… She basically knows him through the friend who has feelings for her, she knows he has feelings for her, and she doesn’t care. All these bachelors have to deal with the stress & sexual frustration from someone pretending to be their friend, IN THEIR OWN HOME, when most of them work their asses off as it is. It’s a shame, she came off as a really cool girl, but I’m finding all too often that these girls who can just be “one of the guys” are rarely really that. I didn’t mention it, but she slept her way into the group of people anyway, and it looks like she’s going to sleep her way out. I just hope she eventually realizes that through all her experiences with interpersonal drama, there is only one factor that remains constant…

        This has veered away from your original post in relevance, but whatevs. I guess it’s all to be expected. The new guy is a bonafide user with literally nothing going for him, and she’s a doormat. Good thing I haven’t known her for very long so I’m really not emotionally invested, it’s just frustrating to watch.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Understandably so. Freedom of choice, though we can seldom see what is always the best choice and yet the “best choice” may not always be the right one. Oh, please feel free to vent. You are more than welcome to even if it goes off topic. Perhaps she will realize and perhaps not. It’s up to her to make those changes and change those she hangs around with. What does a healthy relationship look like for her? What do healthy friendships look like? She may not know or she might, but isn’t ready. Be supportive if you want to, but be weary of how toxic the situation is.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Descentia

    Wow that’s garbage. I hang out at a friend’s house where there’s something similar going on, though the girl doesn’t actually live there and she isn’t dating or sleeping with anyone. The guy whose house it is provides her marijuana and coaxes her into repaying that in chores, but it’s totally disproportionate and she’s certainly not the only person who habitually hangs around and smokes his weed with him! there’s a bit of an age difference too. She’s 4 to 5 years younger than most of us. I ask her sometimes why she does so much around there but she doesn’t really say much about it. The guy in question is also a 25 year old virgin who had some very bad experiences with his mother & sister, so maybe that has something to do with it. It’s so awkward but honestly idk what to do about it. She let herself get used by lazy males and now they expect it, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Oh, and did I mention that she works and he doesn’t? -_-

    Liked by 1 person

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